Fiyero da Gangsta
by obsessive-elphaba
Summary: The life and times of our favorite Winkie... as a gangsta! Warning: swearing, drugs, and possible Gelphie involved
1. Drinking

**Fiyero da Gangsta!!!!**

_Wassup peeepleees!!! I just got to thinkin about gangstas and Fiyero and how WICKED it would be for him to be one! So... dis is just a few random spitballers oneshots about if Fiyero were a gangster. R&R if you want more!_

_Warning: language, drinking, maybe even some sex, but that's just the gangster way  
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"Fiyero? Where are you?" Galinda looked around for her friend.

"Yo, yo, home dog! Wassup?" A very drunken man rocked onto the scene.

"Fiyero, you aren't drunk again are you?"

"Hellz no, bitch! I still be poppin dem bottles."

"You're not drunk?" The blond raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Well, I aint dead yet, and those ass-lickin' mother fuckers ain't locked me up yet."

"Fiyero, I'm taking you home." Galinda bit her lip.

"What no, bitch! Get your fuckin hands off me! You little cock sucking mother fuckin little-" The man couldn't say much more because someone gave him a big blow to the head.

"He was really getting annoying." Elphaba walked out of the darkness carrying a heavy book. Galinda smiled slightly as the two girls pulled him to the dorms.

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Galinda glowered heavily at the drunken man in his comatose state. "Galinda." The blond realized she was growling angrily.

"Never... in all my years have I known someone to snore so loud..." She clinched her fists.

Elphaba put a hand on her shoulder. "Well, that's not very long."

"A girl _needs _her beauty sleep to keep her youth!!!" Galinda felt like she may strangle Fiyero, who snored louder by the second.

"You can go one night without a good night's sleep. You'll still be beautiful." Elphaba grabbed the blonde's trembling hand to calm her down.

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When Fiyero woke up, it was less than pleasant. "What the hell am I doing here?"

"Sleeping through, yet another hangover." A very wary Elphaba sighed, shaking her head.

"You stupid ass bitches raped me?" He asked, oblvious to the green girl's explanation. "Tell me," he smirked, "I was good right?"

"Fiyero, you're-" Galinda started.

"Shit, bitches, you call me by my street name the Yo-Yo. Got it?"

"Fiyero, your drinking is getting out of control!" Galinda snapped.

"The Yo-Yo!" Fiyero snapped back.

I refuse to call you that, Fiyero Tiggular." The blond shouted.

"Oh, that's it, bitch you just crossed the line!"

Another book whacked his head.

"OW! You mother fuckin' dipshit bitch!" He swore at the Elphaba who looked disappointed with the book for not knocking him out the second time.

"Fiyero, I'm sorry." She muttered sarcastically.

"Tell you what. You get me some beer, bitch. Maybe I'll forgive ya." He said, not even looking at her. "And throw in a lap dance or two."

"ELPHIE STOP!" Galinda grabbed the green girl, who was going to murder the Yo-Yo bare handed for even suggesting such a thing.

"Even better!" Fiyero clapped. "You girls gimme a little lesbo action.

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Sorry if you don't like gay jokes (though the Yo-Yo wasn't joking) Nothing against homosexuality here. ^^' I don't wanna be throttled by Elphie. Well, tell me what'cha think.


	2. Rapping

_Wassup readers! Okay, here's the deal. I was just bored online and typed in mp3 and clicked on a link and typed in 'Yero.' Turns out: He's a rapper. Funny stuff, right? Cuz I've been in a Fiyero mood, I decided to write another chapter. PS: MY COMPUTER STARTED WORKING AGAIN (but it may not be that way for long.) REVIEW IT OR SCREW IT  
_~obsessive-elphaba

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Chapter 2~Rapping

"The Yo Yo was thinkin' bout puttin' out a album. You girls can be in the music video for my first single. Sluts." Fiyero said, slinging his arms around ShenShen and Pfannee.

The girls looked disgusted. "Fiyero, you dick!" Pfannee shouted before sticking up her nose and walking away. ShenShen followed suit.

"Fine! Yo Yo doesn't need you mother fuckin piss bitches!" Fiyero shouted after them. Galinda and Elphaba streaked onto the courtyard at this time, laughing. "Well, if it ain't my favorite bitches." He gave them a smug grin. "You ready for me to forgive you yet?"

"No." Galinda frowned, grabbing Elphaba's arm. "Elphie and I have much more respect for each other than to break our friendship for something as pointless as you."

"Did you just insult me bitch?" Fiyero held up a fist.

"And what if she did?" Elphaba glared protectively.

"Oh you don't mess with the Yo Yo, bitch!" He shouted.

"You mother fuckin bitch better get in line  
I got this weird itch and I like the number nine  
You sluts better run, better get in bed  
Cuz if you sleep together you won't wind up dead."

Elphaba and Galinda gave him the most insane look ever. "Fiyero, you're drunk again." Galinda finally sighed.

"The Yo Yo ain't drunk! You never brought me that damn beer fuckin' shawty, you!" Fiyero shot back.

"The Yo Yo better explain that rap before my head explodes." Elphaba mumbled.

"Elphie, let's go." The blond tossed her hair and grabbed her friend's hand.

"You dipshits gonna walk away from the Yo Yo? I'll kill you bitches! Kill you in your fuckin sleep! And then rape you - you hear that?!"

"Oh, we hear you, asshole." Elphaba mumbled, and Galinda giggled.

Fiyero went to kick a wall, but hurt his toe. "Fuckin gangstas need to get harder shoes!" He shouted to the sky.

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_Did I mention Yero was the worst rapper I've ever heard? Haha. The Yo Yo says he's going to kill you in your sleep if you don't review. I know it's short, but gangstas don't write. :oP  
_~obsessive-elphaba


	3. Peeping

_  
MEOW okay, here I am with a crazy crack-a-holic Yo Yo story. HERE GOES!_

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Fiyero Tiggular, AKA The Yo Yo, streaked across campus. He was headed to Crage Hall to perch in that tree that boy Biq... or Bob... told him about. That was exactly what he wanted to see. Across from his perch was a window, and through that window was the perfect view of Miss Galinda Upland and her roommate Elphaba Thropp. He didn't classify Elphaba as male or female because... she scared him.

"Oh shit..." He chuckled perversely seeing that the blond was in her underwear looking at herself in the mirror.

Galinda wouldn't say she was looking at herself. It was more like studying herself. She had to find the perfect nightgown to keep her cozy and looking stunning. She was hoping a certain someone else was looking at her. Unfortunately all she could tell from the corner of her eye was her roommate reading on her bed. That's when she heard it. "Fucking squirrel get out of my fucking tree!" The blond's eyes widened in fear as she ran to the window.

"What is it, Galinda?" Elphaba looked up.

"Elphie..." Galinda hissed fearfully. "I think someone's out there."

As if on cue, the voice said, a bit louder, "You load of shit pissbitch! You worthless piece of crap! Get your own window to look at!"

Elphaba knelt by the window now as well. "Elphie." The blond was nearly crying with fear.

"Shhh, sweet. Come to me." Elphaba wrapped her arms around her friend while still investigating the voice outside her window.

"I'm going to kill you in you sleep, squirrel! I'll get a fucking pistol and hold it to your fucking bitch ass head!"

The girls' eyes widened with realization. Who in all of Oz said "kill you in your sleep?" Galinda started that growling again. "I'm going to kill him in his sleep! That's what I'm going to do!"

"Galinda." Elphaba said calmly.

"Don't you 'Galinda' me! I'm serious-"

Elphaba kissed her to silence. "Let me handle this." As the green girl took out her sorcery wand she walked downstairs to the tree where the Yo Yo was wrestling with a squirrel.

"You fucking dick licking mother fucker!" The boy shouted before falling from his perch in the tree to the ground. "Shit!" He shouted when he sat up.

"Indeed." Elphaba said, crossing her arms.

Fiyero, oblivious, looked up to the tree, "SCREW YOU!" He shouted, and flipped the poor tree off.

"Well, Mister Tiggular, what a pleasant surprise." Elphaba tried again.

"You'd be lucky to see the Yo Yo bitch. What the fuck you doing here?" Fiyero dusted himself off.

"I was about to ask you the same thing."

"What you gonna rape me again?" He nearly shouted.

"What is with you and this rape accusation?"

"Did you just insult me dyke?" Fiyero held up a fist.

Elphaba set her mind up with spells to assist her if a fight occurred. "Not at all."

"Yeah you did." The prince stepped forward. "You called me an acne-station."

The green girl rolled her eyes at the mispronunciation. That right there was a mistake. The Yo Yo took a good swing at her face. Fortunately he missed. Unfortunately it hit her right breast, only making her sure that the miss wasn't accidental. As her eyes burned into a humongous glare, she raised her wand and chanted swiftly under her breath.

"What the fuck are you doing to me mother fuckin bitch shit eatin-" The boy said no more as he fell unconscious again.

Elphaba stopped chanting midspell and looked at him. She didn't kill him did she? A timid Galinda came out of the shadows carrying a heavy book. "He was getting really annoying." She smiled. Elphaba willingly returned it as they dragged the unconscious freak back to their room.

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_That's your next chapter. I don't know about you, but I think I like Fiyero better as a gangsta. He just cracks me up. Anyway, please review. Thank you Fabala :o)  
_~obsessive-elphaba


	4. Creeping

_I is updating! I hope you're happy! No Wicked reference intended.  
~obsessive-elphaba_

Fiyero Tiggular was too cool to be waking up in a pink bed without a girl in it. He knew he was. And he knew he was way cooler than the green bean that the owner of the pink bed was sleeping next to. Sure, their clothes were on, and they weren't cuddling or anything... but when you're Fiyero you see: two girls sleeping together. "Well, well, well, what have we here." He whistled.

Elphaba blinked awaked and Galinda stirred a bit into her friend. "Elphie..." The blonde yawned.

"Look who decided to get it on."

Elphaba scowled. "You're such a dick." She replied rubbing her friend's back.

"Whatever. I'm gonna go get something to eat. What you guys got?"

"Tofu." Elphaba replied trying to lure him out.

"Gross. You fucking bitches and got no meat." So the Yo Yo trekked to the cafeteria, only to find a locked door. Not to be dismayed, our gangsta knows how to pick locks... sort of. If you call jiggling a doorknob violently picking a lock. "You better open up you slutty whores! I know you're asses are in here!" He yelled.

As if on cue, a student, Clara, came yawning to the door. "Fiyero..." She murmered. "What the hell are you doing here at two in the morning?"

"You fucking bitch was in here the entire time and you didn't open the door. Damn you to hell asshole you pissbitch better-" Books just seemed to love causing him physical harm because a grumpy beauty-sleeped-deprived growling blonde had bopped him again. Even though he was still conscious and kicking, the grumpy blonde still dragged him to her dorm. "You asshole mother fuckin' cock sucking shitface!"

"Don't you dare call me a shitface, Fiyero Tiggular!" She growled.

"Watch me shitface! Whatcha gonna do about it shitface? Huh?" The Yo Yo sneered into her face.

The next thing Fiyero saw was stars as a fist connected with his face. All he could hear was:

"Let me go, Elphie!"

"No."

"I'm going to kill him! Let me go!"

"Galinda, don't, you'll... You'll break a nail!"

"Popsicle will get me another manicure! Let me go!"

Opening the one eye that wasn't swollen, Fiyero glared at the petite blonde, who was about as red as blood with rage. "Fucking shitface broke my eye!" He shouted.

"Oh really?" Galinda cooed sarcastically. "Let me fix it for you!" Her voice was dangerously vicious.

"I don't need you're fucking help. You cock suckin' ass licker! Take your girlfriend and get lost! The Yo Yo is hungry, and you won't like him when he's hungry." The prince clenched a fist.

"I don't like him in general." Elphaba muttered.

"Fiyero Tiggular!" A darkly polite yet suspiciously fish-like voice spoke.

"Madame Morrible thank Oz!" Galinda clenched her fists and glared at Fiyero. "Take him away! Suspend him! Expel him!"

"Miss Elphaba, what exactly is going on." Madame Morrible turned to her favorite sorceress.

Elphaba looked the lady in her fish eyes. "Fiyero was being a dick. As usual."

"The Yo Yo!" Said dick shouted his correction.

"Master Fiyero - to my office at once." Madame Morrible declared before grabbing his ear and pulling him down the hall.

The prince's last words before entering his doom were: "THE YO YO ONLY WANTED A FUCKING STEAK!_"_

___Awwww, poor Yo Yo didn't get his steak. Hehe, of course he'd still call you a "shitface" if you don't review. Get it? Good. PS: Wicked isn't mine tee-hee.  
~obsessive-elphaba _


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